HEY, HANDOUTS ARE TOXIC TO ADULTS: Especially young adults

HEY, HANDOUTS ARE TOXIC TO ADULTS: Especially young adults 

This is written not from a place of judgment, but instead to address a problem based on an immense body of work that has brought great clarity to an issue facing the entire nation. The financial support we are offering adults is toxic. We are hurting them, we are hurting ourselves, and until we realize it’s not money that people need long term, everyone involved will feel the pain.

Think back to when you were taught to ride a bicycle without training wheels. Who was more scared? You or your parents?

The idea of letting go of a toddler rocketing across concrete with little protection is terrifying. If we let go, she will fall — she will bleed. If we don’t, she will never learn to ride the most elementary transportation device since feet. Once we let go, and she falls and bleeds, she will quickly learn that balance and control equal the absence of pain.

At that moment, everyone moves on with their life.

Assuming adults can ride their bike without training wheels, what was the primary element in their initial bike-riding achievement? It was others willingness to remove themselves from the situation, with the disturbing knowledge the absence would result in pain.

If we are still supporting adults, the absence of that support will lead to their success — even financial support. We have to remove our self from the situation. Let people learn to be independent; even if they first fail in order to become successful.

As we look at a supported adult’s life, what is missing? They lack skills on budgeting, resourcefulness, independence and, potentially, restraint. To be fair, if their problems stem from needing temporary assistance, then their lack of true financial independence actually makes sense; but, only for the learning period of time, not resulting in dependency.

However, we must be willing to acknowledge the amount of debt  some people hold is directly correlated to our willingness and ability to subsidize those expenses, as well as our willingness to encourage adult students  to blindly accumulate hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, with absolutely no plan to pay it off.

There’s a giant chasm that exists between people not being able to fund an affordable lifestyle and enabling/encouraging them to pursue what’s an idealistic and unachievable lifestyle. That gap can be bridged with uncomfortable conversations and restraint. Ignoring the chasm will result in everyone falling in.

In most cases what I’ve seen programs supporting adults, the adult isn’t allowed to fail because the program either doesn’t want their client to experience temporary discomfort or the program doesn’t want to admit that they have failed.

It’s a” lose-lose” situation. We make more people dependent on taxpayer programs as we as taxpayers move toward retirement. That math doesn’t work (I’d be remiss to not acknowledge scenarios in which additional financial support is not only warranted, but necessary. Yet, these situations are the exceptions, not the rule.)

The way out of this conundrum will be messier than anyone wants. Even so, if we can’t articulate to people why long term support is a problem, then that’s where we begin, by better understanding the impact of a government entangled financial relationships.

If we do not solve this problem, we will work deep into our 70s so that these younger adults can avoid learning how money works.

Remember, our support isn’t about the sacrifice of your money. This is about sacrificing your feelings and letting failure be the teacher.

The long term continued support of adults will ruin our financial life, and will ruin theirs, too.